Feral Flaw Read online

  So his species is more important to him than I am. So much for love. "I have feelings too. Standards. And I don't appreciate being bonded to a mate who can't see I'm as important as the ghosts haunting him. Hell, Goro, I'm just a piece of nondescript Earth trash in your life." I yanked my arm from his grasp. "Forgive me if I don't cozy up to you for a while after you witness your blood easing my blood lust. I just don't think I can get over this by nightfall. For the record, you blame your issues on honor. I'll blame mine on self-respect. And that's the same damned thing where I come from."

  * * * *

  Goro had watched his mate walk back to their spacecraft yesterday and mentally berated himself for his stupidity. With her shoulders thrown back, she wanted self-respect, he noted the irony. Her solid emotionless back strategically poised against me to ward off further self-defeat I could cause her. And she was damned good at protecting herself in the way she ignored me. Even I couldn't hurt her anymore. All because of that skull.

  Leaving that skull in the cave was a blessing more so now than ever. Who knew what catastrophe the relic had in store for me after this brutally vicious blow? Yet, Darla hadn't disappeared. But she wouldn't speak.

  The silence promised of a reckoning. Any time her blood-lust symptoms could set in. Any fool could see Darla would have her say. She wasn't the type to keep her thoughts to herself. Not like a conniving commander. Maybe her open nature would make things better between us given time. And definitely no more lies. But everything was at stake in the Blood Wars. A wise man would keep his mouth shut.

  A wise mate, that is.

  There was nowhere to run. She couldn't hide from me unless she lied about being my blood mate. I have to stay rational. I have to ensure my comments are always supportive, not insulting commands. Or this argument would never die. Talk about a slit vein that never clotted and certain death. But given time and Destiny's blessing, my mate will find a way to forgive me.

  Die, the argument must.

  Especially since we just found a Bramyllion Crystal Skull that Voldon would kill for. But therein lay a bright side. If she worked for Voldon, she would have run off into space with the skull. Created a more dismal situation. Destiny must have ushered us to this place for the sake of free thinkers through my sanity. Voldon is a liar. And yes, a wise Xquine warrior would measure his comments. Try not to sound like a commander, resort to meditation, or die with the rest of my people.

  But I'm not alone. Not with Darla.

  Although what I was has vanished on an invisible wave of deep space radiation into nothing more than background static noise. Maybe I've tried too hard to rejuvenate a dying breed? Or clung to what I was? Perhaps my mistake lies in my refusing to bend to the ebb and flow of creation. Creation demands the opportunity to flourish. To breathe and pulse. And what can provide this nurturing place for creation to thrive? In sacred marriage, an Xquine warrior's hope for vengeance will be fostered into something more beautiful and creative.

  My seed for love and light.

  Although a man would think he's supposed to protect the seed, it's time to stop commanding things to pan out and allow my mate to work with me. And Voldon will die if he attempts to interfere with my Destiny.

  * * * *

  Darla choked down a gulp of air and breathed, struggling to hide the surge of nausea billowing up her esophagus while waiting for the chilling sweat beading upon her forehead to evaporate. It will, she mentally insisted, willing the blood lust to vanish. I just have to gulp down the need to hurl. My husband is watching. Dammit, I don't want to just give into him until I can no longer hold back the barrage of blood lust symptoms. He needed to suffer. Grovel. Like the man couldn't put one ounce of faith in me. Like we could afford not to trust each other with Voldon's bounty on our heads. And a husband who had little faith in his mate was a dominant jackass.

  God I hate being this pissed off. We're married. We got what we wanted. This is supposed to be a joyous time of our lives. What happened?

  And the blood lust bumped up commitment to vital need.

  Happily together? No. Together nonetheless. And he thinks I'm just going to forget he can't trust me?

  Another wave of acidic nausea bubbled toward the back of my throat.

  I almost fell onto my hands, but caught myself.

  Had he noticed? I sat down on the hard rocky volcanic plain where I could monitor his movements in my peripheral vision. To try to conceal my misery.

  He monkeyed with something metallic, a small object or two.

  Good. Stay busy.

  A breeze tickled the sweat on my brow.

  A chilly wave of nausea surged through me.

  I can't take much more of this. But he doesn't deserve my help. He can stew as long as he chooses.

  Nausea threw me onto my palms and arched my back in the most violent of yoga positions.

  Wave after wave of disgusting bile spewed from my lips.

  His black boots were suddenly beside my elbow. Waiting. When the godforsaken heaving ceased.

  Bile dripped from my chin.

  I wiped the bitter acid with the back of my hand and shoved back to sit on my butt.

  He knelt in one quick seamless motion and offered a glinting blade coated with deep red beads. "There's no sense in your suffering for hours until I require a blood libation."

  Of course that's what he wanted.

  His answer. With his blood. His essence.

  That poison on my lips would be the last thing I ever tasted. Humiliating. Sweet. Salty. Metallic ambrosia. But delicacies a person craved often killed them. Whether slowly or quickly. His blood wouldn't be the end of me. Today. I shoved his arm away. "Leave me alone."

  Another chill curdled the void in my gut.

  God. I'm being punished for something. How have I been in the wrong? I have honored the life I was given by making choices for the greater good. For what? To live in eternal damnation? Oh the paradox.

  My breathing quickened until all I could do was lie on my side and count the ridges beneath my palms in the volcanic rock until the barrage of dry heaves set in.

  * * * *

  His mate ignored his presence to the point Goro felt like thrusting his thumb coated with his blood between her lips. But that just seemed so barbaric, he concluded. So Xquine-out-of-control warrior. Anything but civilized and loving. Rape. By Devros, I was going to make her beg for my companionship again. One day. Besides, she'd probably bite off the digit. I retrieved a syringe carrying my blood and shot her in the arm.

  She flinched.

  Her rigid body relaxed almost immediately.

  My mate. Truth. A stubborn woman who'd rather agonize nearby instead of prove her innocence. Just like an Xquine. Too proud to just get the test over with.

  She wouldn't roll back to face me.

  She'd have to eventually.

  Or I'd lose my mind. What would life be like as one never-ending act of harvesting one's blood in necessary celibacy because the woman a man love despises him? This relationship was no longer about defeating Voldon and conquest. Now the battle was about winning Darla back to stand at my side. Whether our enemy might be, nature, humanoid, or Destiny, we must band together. If that entailed endless apologies. So be it. I gently curled my fingers around her stiffened elbow. "Come now, Darla, I'm sorry, but we have our answer."

  She jerked her elbow out of my grasp. "That's only a drop in the bucket."

  Chapter Fourteen

  So, Destiny had other plans for our reconciliation, Goro mused and crouched at his mate's hip where she snarled at him without even casting him the courtesy of an acidic glance. But was her reaction anything other than strength-what a man expected from a female who must survive in a strange new world consumed by the Blood Wars? She had to be tough. Abrasive. She had to defy everything that insulted her. She had to demand respect. She had to become Crazy Darla. Not that Crazy Darla didn't appeal to me. But I had the luxury of knowing the soft woman beneath that façade. That Earth girl was who I fell i
n love with. That loving genuine Darla whose faith in the good of humanity would nurture any of their Earth-Xquine children. Especially the child of legend. And all I need do is fly straight and true. Like bring Darla some wash water.

  That was my test. To remain steadfast. I rose to retrieve water.

  * * * *

  When that kneeling alien handed her a large cup filled with water, Darla just stared at the drops lacing the bottom edge of her mate's hand with glistening pearls. His fingernails had been scraped white. Clean, unlike his soul, she thought. As if he had scratched at them awaiting my moment of truth with the blood lust. And now he extended a peace offering. I shouldn't accept it. But the bile's bitterness in my mouth would only eat away the enamel of my teeth. Since I haven't seen any signs of dental facilities in outer space, I'd better take care of my pearly whites. I reached for the glass.

  Without so much as an apology, he extracted a syringe and shot up.

  Bastard. He could have gone off to cop a cheap thrill behind a bush or someplace.

  "When you're ready, we need to confront the wormhole relay." He rose and walked to his pod fighter.

  Just what everybody needs-another confrontation. Or was this some sort of free-thinking readiness test. Why so soon? Didn't he want to hang around and relax on this paradise with his mate? No. He was all business. Boy I read this guy wrong. I rinsed out my mouth, washed my face, and poured the last bit of cleansing water over my hands.

  But why did we need to rush? His fear of Voldon capturing us had to be his motive. Not that his fear stemmed from his love for me. Without me, Goro's life was on the line. From now on, our relationship was about him using me for survival.

  Blood. So much for a marriage of love. Love must be thinner like water.

  I'd fallen in love during war time with a charismatic military commander like every stupid female who had wound up hovering over a white-knuckled clench of a fist, praying for a way out of her madness only to realize there was nothing else she could do but give birth to a child in the wilderness.

  Okay. Maybe I'm not pregnant yet. But I might as well be given I'm stuck out here in the middle of nowhere outer space. The wild woods. And his love is thin like water, not thick as blood.

  God, I am just a naïve flower girl from Earth. I'm so damned weak. I fell for the champion boxer. And now I'm staring at his face, wondering if when the swelling goes down, if he'll be the same man I fell in love with all those years ago. Because he certainly is acting like his brain is hemorrhaging. Will he just die? Only a fool would continue to follow him into the unknown mystery of space.

  Time to stop being the fool. A stupid woman wouldn't stand up for herself. Time to demand everything I need for a good life from the man I've mated. If he wants me to give birth to his child of legend, he's going to have to work for the perk. He's going to wish he had brought that shiny mate-placating skull with him. I would have been more agreeable high on crystal energy.

  "Darla, we must go," he yelled out to me.

  More like we must talk. I rose, crossed the space between us, and halted beneath his questioning gaze. "Just what's the rush? And why in the Hell do I need to follow you anywhere?"

  "We're mated."

  Shoot me, universe. I ended up with the blunt guy. At least, he spared me one of his typical philosophical replies. But this gal needs more info. "I asked you why we have to go now."

  His questioning mask barely twisted with amusement.

  "Stop laughing and cough up some answers. I swear you've put a lot of stock in me not commanding my pod fighter to take me wherever I want to go."

  His eyes pinched ever so slightly. "Now, Darla, we have no choice. To stay here is to lure Voldon to the skull. The last thing The Cause needs is a bastard using the power of those skulls on his zombified populace."

  That answer made no sense. "You said the skull could make people happy. Why is that a bad thing?"

  "I chose you because you could think, Darla. You must think beyond your anger now."

  Was he joking? Destiny certainly worked a number on these extraterrestrials. I rolled my eyes. "I am thinking. That's the problem. Now allow me to paraphrase. Why is Voldon using the skull to make the people happy a bad thing?" There had to be something scientific behind all the contradictions.

  He exhaled slowly. "Because their ability to think freely is still masked. Look at how the skull made you feel. Would you wish such a Destiny on the powerless?"

  "What a redundant question. I'm pretty damned powerless, Goro!"

  His lips turned down in the faintest of frowns. "If I had known before we mated that you would consider yourself powerless when our marriage gifted you the most empowering aspect of life in the universe, I wouldn't have allowed you to enter the contract. For that, I apologize."

  His unyielding stare cut through me.

  What did he expect? Applause? He was no different than Voldon in enslaving others. I get to become a were-wolf. Not that it has any appealing qualities. I'm not that into kicking ass. But that doesn't make my future glitter with gold. My future was about finding a place for myself with him. "You're kidding, right?"

  "I only hear you speaking with anger now. You'll step out of it soon and understand-"

  Do I have to walk away to find some reason? I turned.

  "But I have a job to do, Darla." He grabbed my elbow again just to stop me. "And my crew awaits my return. I had thought you might want to show them how sane you really are. Revel in your own victory. You have beaten Voldon at his game. But that was a thought I had before I realized how miserable you feel with my blood coursing through your veins."

  And wouldn't my contradictory behavior send the crew off on a mutiny? I met his gaze. "All I see in my future is trouble. For example, shouldn't I remain abrasive and volatile? Menacing? Anything to carry on what you've already started. And what about shape shifting? Talk about turning into an uncontrollable beast. I'm supposed to feel like I have the upper hand? I'm sorry, I'm not the genius you are-a man worthy of commanding a starship in The Cause's fleet. I'm just dumb Earth girl, a flower girl, Darla. And Darla is tired of being treated like the bitch slave of a psychic asshole. Excuse me, Goro, but you still haven't convinced me that your dragging me back through that wormhole is worth the loss of more of my brain cells."

  Only a moment passed before he blinked. "When we think we have mastered the lesson life dealt us, we see another mount jutting toward the heavens in the distance. For what it's worth, all you need ask is for explosives, and I would destroy your looming mountain. But Voldon's mountain cannot be conquered so easily, heart of my heart. If my fears laid in keeping you alive, I wouldn't have mated with you. Your strength lies in your power and your convictions. Where else in the world would I have found a woman who defied the very breath her father gave her? You are the only female who would challenge me enough to keep me alive and secure freedom of thought for our child. Peer deeply inside yourself and see if you truly feel you have no control. I bet you will discover you haven't looked very far. Eyes that cannot see do nothing for the soul."

  What was he yammering about like some Zen Master as if I needed a freaking lecture for a pep rally? "You know, Goro. You're still a jackass."

  He nodded once with so much gratitude I could have yanked his head off.

  "Sometimes the only thing that saves our life is our demeanor." He met my gaze. "Will you fly with me back to prove to Voldon that we walk with Destiny?"

  "I don't believe that crap at the moment. The truth of the matter is that my existence relies on blood fucking. I'm not so thrilled about being your puppet right now."

  "Is the glass half empty or half full?" His pontificating gaze waited for her answer.

  Why is he playing these games with me? "I'm not your crew, Goro. Stop treating me like a cook, pilot, or healer. I'm your mate now, and I want some god-damned respect. Just cut the philosophical crap and cuss if that's all you can do. But make some fucking sense."

  "See why I married you."


  No, things still look pretty fuzzy. "No."

  "You don't play games with me. That's all the comfort Destiny needs afford me in my journey to defeat evil."

  "And who just got burned playing games with his mate? It ought to be entertaining seeing if you learned any lessons." She pivoted to her pod fighter, climbed aboard, and shoved into position. "Computer, follow Goro." I'll just follow because my roadmap to the universe is departing.

  * * * *

  Bless Devros, his mate cooperated. But Goro knew she could lose her sanity any moment and head off on a suicidal jaunt through the universe. That much was evident in her lengthy speech. So Destiny strived to test my fealty with my mate. The wormhole relay spat them out near Jupiter, right next to the third-largest moon Callisto. Saturn's Titan was but an earthly hop, skip, and a jump away. They could land at The Cause's secret subterranean habitat hidden on Titan or just scout out a starship. One way or the other, finding a connection to The Cause in order to reestablish my command status was crucial. Should Arken be informed of the skull's location? That tidbit might secure my next command assignment. But what of my crew? Had they been dispersed among other starships? Reassigned?

  Certainly.

  War rarely proved merciful while having its way with people. I turned back to my view of Titan.

  The hazy atmosphere would offer shelter long enough to set the wheels of Destiny back in motion for a commander estranged from his command. The Cause's enclosed habitat was a sheltering place to rest and recoup with access to various amenities nature couldn't offer. Those luxuries might help Darla cool down enough to listen to reason. "Computer, land at X3-Beta. If Darla's pod doesn't follow, pursue her."

  If Darla ran from me now, she was suicidal. But a month's worth of my blood would buy her some precious thinking time. She could survive that long. Reason out her situation. Find me in her heart. Somewhere in there. Even an Xquine warrior had positive qualities a mate could embrace. Or not. The only other cure for the blood lust is death. Hopefully, she'd prove herself strong enough to see the light.